When the train never leaves the station

I've learned that one way that helps to work through vaginisum is for the woman to sit on the edge of the bed with her legs apart. This sitting position tends to relax the vaginal muscles, making penetration easier. Any couple who are having trouble with vaginismus should try this. I am shocked that more doctors do not know about this.

My first wife was worried about first intercourse and had read a book advising the woman to take a hot sitz bath and slowly inserting one, then two, then three lubricated fibgers in her Vagina. She got so excited in the practice she toweled off quickly and met me at the front door, the train enterd the tunnel shortly thereafter. Do not know if it was the hot water or the fingers but she was so relaxed when I enterd her she was not aware I had ejaculated in her til she got up and sat on my lap and the flood spread over her thighs. We got married a couple weeks later and she was a little more stressed out and first marital intercourse was a little painful for her. I learned to give her oral stimulation down there, very gently with the fingers then my tongue and as she opened sliding my finger in and out as i continued to provide my tongue to her swolen labia and erect clitoris, she had several orgasms before I entered her. The only downside to this approach is that the woman can sometimes tighten a little after orgasm and the walls of the vagina get very smooth after orgasm. But the glow on her face, the bright pink of her engorged labia was some kind of reward.TLC

What? No pictures? Maybe this will become the MSNBC porn site. The rather juvenile simile about "trains entering the tunnel" is absurd! This is a news item? A real slow day! Zap this crap!

I agree with Woodysr. The train/tunnel "tease" in the headline is poor taste for a "news organization" website. I guess I am expecting too much from NBC.

Yeah! I also agree with Woodysr.

Has this same clinic looked into to see if this happens more when spouses return from deployment? I spent 3-4 months in and out of doctors offices for one problem or another all relating to pain and inability to have sex. I was met with lack of sympathy, sarcasm, and an overall lack of knowledge and a shoulder shrug when I turned my local ER into a revolving door. I was told that "they never heard of it" to, "this is pretty common", to a corpsman making a side comment to my husband, "Yeah, sometimes this happens." Well, if it is so bloody common, why isn't the military addressing it instead of all of us spouses feeling like idiots and thinking something is wrong with us or worse, our husbands' brought us back and unwanted present.

My ex tried to make virginity retroactive.

While I don't agree with the taste of all sexploration articles or a simile here and there, this article addresses a difficult reality for a lot of people and I applaud the sexploration folks for it.

My wife and I had this problem for 5 years (vaginismus, more specifically). It's the worst feeling in the world. Imagine having sex with your wife consensually out of love for one another, but the whole time enduring blood curling screaming and pain as if the one you love is being raped. Screaming so loud you wonder what the neighbors might think. You both leave traumatized, confused and less likely to try again with each failed try.

You agree to keep trying, while your ears and every cell in your body tells you something is wrong.

The doctor we first went to claimed my wife was sexually abused and dismissed my wife's problem as some kind of fear of doctors.. quack.

The psychologist we went to tried to offer sessions to talk about the problem.. misguided.

My wife was the one that finally had to figure out her own problem using the Internet, after years of suffering for both of us. With some help from familly we found someone who treated vaginismus.

But, the story hit it right on the nose -- a lot of know-it-all doctors in America are more likely to be sarcastic and follow assumptions on this topic, than to work with their patients to find a solution. If we had a doctor with more humility and who was willing to do more research with us, we would have avoided years of pain and other problems.

Seeing this post, I see some of the societal obstacles are alive and well. Some of the "porn" comments in this forum reflect a harsh environment towards the topic and I'm saddened by them. I don't expect social biases to go away, but I do hope people that make such comments listen and learn that misguided criticism can contribute to the pain and social obstacles of the suffering.

Vaginismus is a very serious mental and psychological condition, often requiring therapy. It was my personal experience and I was astounded by the lack of knowledge of this condition by medical professionals, not to mention the insensitivity. It took me nearly 5 years of marriage before we were able to consummate our marriage. It was only after seeing an emotional kinesiologist and using the aid of vaginal spacers that I was finally able to overcome the problem. Part of the reason it took so long for any treatment was due to shame and embarassment and the blank insolent stares of my ob/gyn doctor when I told her my problem and was seeking help. The only reason I was able to find the vaginal spacers was due to the help of my stepmother who did extensive research on the internet and was finally able to find this assistance. One of the underlying causes of this condition is feeling like losing control and something "bad" happening, i.e.-extreme, unbearable pain, etc. If anyone reads this and is either dealing with this issue or know someone who is, go to the website www.vaginisus.com. The spacers come in graduating sizes so that you can start with the smallest one and as you get more comfortable you eventually move up to the largest size. This helps because you have control and you eventually become more at ease with "something being up there." I am not saying this is a cure all for this condition but I found it immensely helpful and know it can help others. There should be more of an awareness and help for women with this problem because believe me, I would never wish this on my worst enemy.

I didn't even know there was such a thing... wow I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through that. I hope it is mentioned more often so people will be able to find the help they need as soon as possible. Take care everyone

Just a correction to my earlier post. The website is www.vaginismus.com

This whole topic is boring and overrated. As people age, the interest level and frequency naturally declines, often to the point of non-existance.

So? What's the problem here?

As someone who has struggled for 10 years with vaginismus, I take exception to the comment that "Vaginismus is a very serious mental and psychological condition". However, I agree that it is "very serious" for those whose lives it impacts. As a sufferer, it took me 9 years to put a label on my problem due to the complete lack of information regarding it.

What disappointed me in this article was any suggestion as to where to get help, and what steps are necessary to overcome the problem. I'd also suggest going to www.vaginismus.com for a wonderful, gentle and direct program to help women work through the problem emotionally and physically. The program is well-researched and well explained, and lines up with all the "treatments", some costing thousands of dollars, that I've researched.

The basic components of the program are to recognize any emotional component (fear, anxiety, sexual abuse, etc) that might cause someone to not desire intercourse. Secondly, to educate the woman about their sexual anatomy. Thirdly, to desensitize the woman regarding any fears about exploring their vagina. Fourthly, to teach to practice insertions starting with a single q-tip then increasingly larger dilators until the point where the size is the same as her partner's penis.

For some women, this training takes a few weeks; for others, a few years. But there is an extremely high success rate in the range of 90-99% reported from all sources from using this procedure, whether under a health care professional's care or through self-study.

interesting, i hope those who need the help get it. i know that sometimes these unconsumated marriages can also be result of cheating. that is i have seen partners cheat on one another while stating they simply "weren't in the mood" to be with their spouse. I have seen a wife constantly leave home for "errands" and come back home telling her husband she just wasn't feeling right.